[ He remembers the caverns. He remembers talking Goro through the manifestation of his self-resentment. He remembers Ryoji. Those weren't fake. He doubts hers was either. She faced some aspect of herself back then, something real, and the orb she looked into brought that back. Maybe it's time she faced it again, if she's up for it. Sorry to ruin your sweet speech, Shuichi, but a beat after he's done Minato adds two words. ]
[Kaede's used to sitting in silence. Minato does something similar sometimes, when they're talking, so getting this kind of silent treatment from Shuichi isn't anything new. She lets him think about what he wants to say, focuses on trying to keep herself from feeling sick, from dreading everything she saw, distract herself away from the pounding ache between her ears.]
Saihara-kun...
[He's so kind. She meets his eyes, a little reassured by his words and that soft smile. She hadn't been lying back then, during the Killing Game; there's something about being close to Shuichi that fills her with a kind of courage. It doesn't sound right, it doesn't resonate like the truth should feel, but it makes her feel better. Maybe he's right.
And then Minato qualifies Shuichi's statement, and the smile that had started to tug at her lips fractures. Tears rise in her eyes, and she hunches forward, burying her face in her arms. It doesn't take a paladin's oath or an SHSL detective's observational skills to know that she's trying not to cry. If pressed, she wouldn't be able to say whether it's because based off what she knows from Vista Virs, it feels true, or it's because Minato is willing to believe that's the kind of person she could be.]
[For maybe a whole seconds, Shuichi feels pretty good. He made Kaede feel better, he reassured her...the girl he cares for so much and who always reassures him and makes him feel strong...]
[And then it's like he missed a step going down the stairs. Two simple words that turn his insides to cold lead. For a moment, all he can do is stare in blank disbelief at Minato over Kaede's hunched back. Did he seriously just...]
[But after a few moments, that blank disbelief turns into a small frown, equal parts disappointment and anger. Though, admittedly, not a very strong anger...it's the kind that maybe stings a little, rather than scorches. He rests a hand firmly on Kaede's shoulder.]
Not ever.
[Maybe if he'd been in the caverns, he'd be able to see things from Minato's perspective. To understand that MAYBE there is some basis in truth there and MAYBE facing it is the best thing to do. But he wasn't. He doesn't and can't understand that theory. It's just ridiculous, to think that Kaede would volunteer to be in the killing game. To say that she would be perfect for it.]
[But, even if he could understand it and share Minato's opinion that she needs to face it...even then he wouldn't have brought it up now. Jeez, Minato, have some tact! When someone is this upset, making them MORE upset doesn't help anything. And you call yourself Kaede's friend??]
[ Uh. The air sure got frigid suddenly. Shuichi's look says Minato should have kept his mouth shut. Woops. Well, it's not like he's going to fight them into talking about it. Minato offers a shrug to Shuichi. It didn't seem inappropriate a few seconds ago...
He doesn't mind that Kaede's on verge of tears, but he is worried now that he's maybe upset her too much -- that she's upset at him instead of everything that's happened. Ugh, he should have just lied to begin with. ]
[She leans into Shuichi's hand, presses her palms into her eyes and tries to breathe past gasping sobs. Shuichi believes in her so, so much, and she wishes she could be as certain of his perspective as he is. She wants to be strong for him, someone reliable, someone who can make up for all the awful things she put him through during the Killing Game.
Training as a paladin had made it easier for her to spot lies, press the weak points in an argument better than she had during that horrible class trial. The weak point is there, right there in the tone of his voice, the way he reverses position. Why does he think that? Is it because he knows she's a murderer, knows she's killed since that awful game?
It hurts. Her hands go to her heart, and both boys can probably feel the stab of pain that accompanies the thought that Minato thinks she's capable of being the kind of person to enjoy a game like that.
But in a way, he's right, too. The part of her from the caverns, the darker part that tells her not to have faith in humanity, tells her that of course he would think that. He's right to think it. She did start the killing game and make Shuichi suffer, after all.]
I-I'm not, [she manages finally, both hands clutching at her heart as she stares at the ground.] I'm not like that, I'm not! I never, ever want to be like that!
[Even without Paladin skills, it's kind of obvious that Minato is backpedaling. But Shuichi doesn't seem to mind. To him, it seems that Minato perhaps didn't mean that in as bad a way as it sounded. In any event, he certainly didn't seem to be trying to hurt Kaede's feelings. And he did apologize.]
[His expression softens somewhat, all traces of anger leaving it (though he still seems a little disappointed) as his eyes leave Minato's to look back down at Kaede. He...doesn't know what to say to her. He felt that stab of heartache but he can't think of anything to say to assuage it. All he can do is nod slightly in a sort of determined affirmation.]
[ Urk. He wanted to talk about it, not argue with them. Or hurt her, as the pang of emotion seems to indicate. He's not afraid of her emotions or her past, but if she doesn't want to talk about it there's nothing to be done. ]
[She doesn't want to talk about it now, at least. Definitely not in front of Shuichi. It's not that she doesn't trust the detective, but rather, she doesn't want to upset him. Even him seeing her doubt herself this much twists at her heart.
Eventually, she manages to choke back her tears, sniffling them up and wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands. The leather of her gloves stings a bit, but that's fine.]
...I'm sorry, [she mumbles, looking first to Shuichi, then Minato, trying to force a smile.] I... I wanted to use my Paladin Oath to protect both of you, but instead I just made you worry, huh...?
It's okay... that's nothing to apologize for. I'd...like to be able to help when you're in trouble too....even if it's just for things like this. So...
[So it's really okay that you made him worry, he doesn't mind. Not even going to bother trying to say he doesn't need protecting because...he totally does and he knows it.]
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gotyourbach) wrote2018-11-11 08:24 pm
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... Right now.
[ She's not that person right now. ]
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Saihara-kun...
[He's so kind. She meets his eyes, a little reassured by his words and that soft smile. She hadn't been lying back then, during the Killing Game; there's something about being close to Shuichi that fills her with a kind of courage. It doesn't sound right, it doesn't resonate like the truth should feel, but it makes her feel better. Maybe he's right.
And then Minato qualifies Shuichi's statement, and the smile that had started to tug at her lips fractures. Tears rise in her eyes, and she hunches forward, burying her face in her arms. It doesn't take a paladin's oath or an SHSL detective's observational skills to know that she's trying not to cry. If pressed, she wouldn't be able to say whether it's because based off what she knows from Vista Virs, it feels true, or it's because Minato is willing to believe that's the kind of person she could be.]
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[And then it's like he missed a step going down the stairs. Two simple words that turn his insides to cold lead. For a moment, all he can do is stare in blank disbelief at Minato over Kaede's hunched back. Did he seriously just...]
[But after a few moments, that blank disbelief turns into a small frown, equal parts disappointment and anger. Though, admittedly, not a very strong anger...it's the kind that maybe stings a little, rather than scorches. He rests a hand firmly on Kaede's shoulder.]
Not ever.
[Maybe if he'd been in the caverns, he'd be able to see things from Minato's perspective. To understand that MAYBE there is some basis in truth there and MAYBE facing it is the best thing to do. But he wasn't. He doesn't and can't understand that theory. It's just ridiculous, to think that Kaede would volunteer to be in the killing game. To say that she would be perfect for it.]
[But, even if he could understand it and share Minato's opinion that she needs to face it...even then he wouldn't have brought it up now. Jeez, Minato, have some tact! When someone is this upset, making them MORE upset doesn't help anything. And you call yourself Kaede's friend??]
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He doesn't mind that Kaede's on verge of tears, but he is worried now that he's maybe upset her too much -- that she's upset at him instead of everything that's happened. Ugh, he should have just lied to begin with. ]
Sorry. You're not like that.
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Training as a paladin had made it easier for her to spot lies, press the weak points in an argument better than she had during that horrible class trial. The weak point is there, right there in the tone of his voice, the way he reverses position. Why does he think that? Is it because he knows she's a murderer, knows she's killed since that awful game?
It hurts. Her hands go to her heart, and both boys can probably feel the stab of pain that accompanies the thought that Minato thinks she's capable of being the kind of person to enjoy a game like that.
But in a way, he's right, too. The part of her from the caverns, the darker part that tells her not to have faith in humanity, tells her that of course he would think that. He's right to think it. She did start the killing game and make Shuichi suffer, after all.]
I-I'm not, [she manages finally, both hands clutching at her heart as she stares at the ground.] I'm not like that, I'm not! I never, ever want to be like that!
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[His expression softens somewhat, all traces of anger leaving it (though he still seems a little disappointed) as his eyes leave Minato's to look back down at Kaede. He...doesn't know what to say to her. He felt that stab of heartache but he can't think of anything to say to assuage it. All he can do is nod slightly in a sort of determined affirmation.]
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You won't be.
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Eventually, she manages to choke back her tears, sniffling them up and wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands. The leather of her gloves stings a bit, but that's fine.]
...I'm sorry, [she mumbles, looking first to Shuichi, then Minato, trying to force a smile.] I... I wanted to use my Paladin Oath to protect both of you, but instead I just made you worry, huh...?
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[So it's really okay that you made him worry, he doesn't mind. Not even going to bother trying to say he doesn't need protecting because...he totally does and he knows it.]
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